The Old Maids Ball
Composer: Words and Music by Irving Berlin
Published 1913 by Waterson, Berlin & Snyder Co.


[Verse 1]
Talk about your funny masquerades,
Talk about your funny looking braids,
Did you hear of the four old maids,
Who gave a fancy ball,

Old maids gathered there from every town,
Each one dressed up in a funny gown,
I was asked to go and so I hurried,
Down to the old maids ball.

[Chorus 1]
There were old maids short and tall,
Dancing 'round the hall, One who knew us drew up to us,
She was older than St. Louis
Miss Melinda Rand, Led the female band
and when they played "Here comes the Bride,"
Four old maids sat down and cried,
Some one hollered "There's a man outside,"
And broke up the old maids ball.

[Verse 2]
Every body in the hall was asked,
Not to laugh and say it was a task,
What I thought was a funny mask,
Turned out to be a face,

Some one came to me and put me wise,
Fifty dolars was the standing prize,
To the one who had a perfect figure,
Nobody won the prize.

[Chorus 2]
There were old maids short and tall,
Dancing 'round the hall,One who knew us drew up to us,
She was older than St.Louis
Miss Melinda Rand, Led the female band
and one old maid named Geraldine,
Oldest maid I've ever seen,
Said tomorrow I'll be seventeen,
And broke up the old maids ball.